Current location:	Mesa, AZ
Current mood:	silly
Entry tags:	detective conan

[Detective Conan] The Talk
Title: The Talk
Author: Icka! M. Chif
Word Count: 825
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Crackish
Author's Note: Random fic while waiting for people to show up. Thanks to Jheen for giving me random things.
Summary: The worst part about is that Conan already knows what they're going to try to talk about.

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After a case involving several prostitutes, a bobble-headed pen, a chicken and live goat chewing on some one's unmentionables, it was decided by everyone around that it was probably time to give Conan-kun 'The Talk'.

The Shonen Tantei were spared from this decision as they, unlike Conan-kun, were not caught scrutinising the sex workers with a contemplative look.

Of course, the reality of it was that his observations were purely academic, he was trying to weed out the culprit, but when you're only knee high and the suspects in question are wearing skirts whose hemlines are shorter than he was tall, it does tend to look incriminating.

The next question that came up was who was going to give Conan-kun 'The Talk'?

Megure, being the most senior, was elected first.

It wasn't difficult to catch Conan-kun, he saw the small boy practically everywhere. Getting him alone to talk was a completely different matter. Finally, in the middle of an investigation, with Takagi, Shiratori and Satou giving him pointed looks to get this done, he finally cornered him.

"So, ah, Conan-kun." Megure said, for once grateful that he and Midori did not have children and yet wondering if it would have somehow made it easier. "What do you know about the birds and the bees?"

Conan-kun gives him a blank look. He then looks around the room they are investigating, then back at Megure. "The victim didn't seem to be allergic to feathers. Do you think it was anaphylactic shock from a bee sting?"

Megure sighs and gives up as a lost cause.

Next to try is Takagi. He lost the round of Jun-ken-po.

After a five minute stuttering babble about 'men', 'women', 'feelings' and a whole lot of stammering and blushing on Takagi's part, Conan fixes him with a serious look.

"Is this about you and Satou-san?" He asks, childish voice high and curious. "Cause you really should ask her out. I think she likes you back."

"Really?" Takagi straightens up, his face brightening. And then he realises that Conan's managed to turn the conversation around and there's really no way to get it back.

Satou is the next one to give it a try. She gets as far as 'when a man and a woman like each each other very much-' when Conan-kun gives her a rounded eyed look, blushing slightly. "i-I think I'm a little young for you." He says, voice stammering a bit. "You should ask Takagi-san out. He likes you a lot."

Which wasn't at ALL what she was implying, but as she straightens up, she belatedly realised just how far down the collar on her blouse falls when she leans over like that and that pretty much ended the rest of the discussion right there.

Although she did eye Takagi speculatively for the next few days, making him blush pretty much non-stop the entire time.

Which meant that it was Shiratori's turn. He found his opportunity after a case, catching Conan-kun by himself before joining Ran and Mouri, who were just going over a last few details. Shiratori cleared his throat, mentally rehearsing the speech he'd prepared, with annotated note cards, if necessary when Conan looked up at him over the tops of his glasses and said something that sounded suspiciously like 'Oh, hell no'.

And with that, Conan-kun practically teleported, clinging to Ran's legs as if he would have to be surgically removed from them until after Mouri finally caught a clue and they left.

The police officers, having all been shot down one way or another debated what their next step should be. The idea of everyone cornering him came up, then was shot down, seeing as any time that they did that would be the moment that someone would drop dead in their midst, the way things were going.


So the ace in the hole was pulled out.

Mouri.

Mouri screamed and yelled and pouted for almost an hour before finally breaking down and agreeing to do it. Another hour was spent going over things that needed to be mentioned and talked about, especially to such a young mind.

In the end, Mouri grunted at Conan, informed him that he was old enough to learn about some things and threw a nudie mag at him. Conan blushed bright red, his eyes taking up most of his head as he stared at it, Mouri putting his feet up on the desk and helping himself to a beer, considering his job done.

Conan sat there for a while, not moving, before jumping up and running back to the room he shared with Mouri to hide the magazine when Ran came home.

And in the end, that was that and no one thought about it ever again without a sigh of releif that -they- weren't the ones who had to deal with it ever again.

Except maybe when the Shonen Tantei got a little bit older....

-fin-